Beautiful Days

The last few days have been terrific. The weather is just as fresh as a sunflower. Speaking of which some of mine are about 7 feet tall. I love going outside to look at them and watch the ladybugs. I do have to pick off beetles and put them in insecticidal soap, but oh well, they make a mess of my flowers. Hungry boogers. Yesterday, I even wrote. Yay! The medication for my lungs is working and I am sleeping a tad better too. It's unbelievable the difference that is felt.

My other plants are growing slow. I do have about 4 tomatoes taking form, yet my eggplants and peppers are growing at snail speed. There are many herbs this year too and I love to watch God's work grow from seed. It is such a miracle.

Anyway, I am off to twitter to see what is going on. Oh what an addiction.

I love my garden! I feel energized today!

Another Day At the Doctors

Oh wow. Hopefully soon, I will get a repreive from seeing all of these docs. It's just that there are things that they are monitoring such as breathing maching and some new meds. I just started Advair to breath better and it does help my asthma, but makes me a tad anxious (like I need anxious). I haven't gone to the gym all week, but will be back next week. I don't have another doc appt until later in June. Yippee! Freedom! I just have a mamogram next week and am not worried about that...just a routine yearly thingy.

I am feeling better since the addicts and squatters left the next door apartment. That situation- for months- truly affected my health. What a sad mess.

When I was in my 20's I had dreams of being married and having kids, the home, all of that. Today young people (not all) are looking for ways to test the system or steal whatever they can.

Everyone here is breathing easier. It's quiet and we are all getting along with our business and people are actually smiling again.

Summer is coming upon us (and the Florida Hurricane Season). Even though the stress of the squatters affected my health some, I am feeling better. Life happens and we all learn lessons...well most of us do. Some people all we can do is pray for.

I was reading my book today in the doctor's office "A Unique Bunny", I am really proud of that sweet book. It's great for adults and children. Getting revved up again to finish this new book.

Life is good today. The sun is shining.

No sleep Last Night

You know the song when they sing "Oh what a night," of course it has a whole different meaning than my "Oh what a night", last night. No sleep for me. I contacted the Sleep Apnea Foundation, and told them I was having such a hard time with this machine and mask. I just wanted to die. Sleep is as rare to me any more as money. OMG. Tired of all of this crap. I need a miracle. Always been so healthy and active. Arrrgggghhhh.

Oh Where Art Thou Today?

Today flew by. After getting up very early to go to a doctor's appointment, which didn't go as planned...I wanted to get OFF some meds, but he explained no and why. He also wanted to put me on more meds...which I said NO to and why. Anyway, I went to the grocery store looking for my favorite fix which is Roadrunner Raspberry Frozen Yogurt (Made by Publix Supermarkets) and they were out. I settled for a 3 Muskateers. Not as smooth or yummy. After I ate lunch, I crashed and slept for about 3 hours (again). I went outside to do some gardening (more like using insecticide to get rid of beetles on my Sunflowers and Miracle Plant). Really hot out and decided to come back in and read emails, twitter and then ATTEMPT to write. Really feeling exhausted--will go to gym in AM.

Right now finishing up today...doing what needs to be done.

Oh why I love Publix's Roadrunner, Raspberry Yogurt--It's not that expensive about $3.64 half gallon. Made w/white choc yogurt, dark choc little raspberry cups and a raspberry swirl. It's my favorite and hard to find. I need to tell my local store to GET MORE!! They were out again today. My secret is out. LOL.

Have a great day...now evening...I guess.

Something to Remember (For Self too!)

http://www.lshs64.com/enjoytheride.html This really helped me this morning. Hope it will make another's day as well.

Good Intentions

I really don't like good intentions. As a matter of fact a STRONG Dislike comes to mind. Often if they are set up by me. In other words being ill, I have many times had so many good intentions to do something and then I couldn't follow through. I know that there have been disapointments to people that I really care about, when I have said that I would show up or do something and couldn't make it..
Even yesterday, I attempted to write about 5 times and my brain just wouldn't work. Morning, noon and night were attempted...but the words were just crap. So notes were jotted down for the time being and hopefully they will work out better today. Dealing with illness sucks. Sometimes, I just wish that I would never wake up. There is so much creativity going on in my head and it's as though I am trying to squeeze out toothpaste through a pinhole.
One thing that does help is that I pray ALOT. I always ask Jesus to help me write...even if it is just for a little while.
"Please God keep my mind clear for creative thought and my body from severe pain.
Please help me to write in your will Dear Lord and to be able to make sense on days that I can't even focus or remember what to eat. Please help me to forgive and pray for those who are upset with me for my faults or illness. Dearest Jesus, help me to hold on to you, because I know that you will never abandon me. Thank you for being there. Without You Lord I am nothing." AMEN.

Now for some errands to run...and then rest...and hopefully back to the book.

xo

A Blessed Memoria Day

There are three generations of servicemen in my family. I wish I could go to see my father's grave in the Vet Cemetary. I will say a special prayer for him. It is beautiful out and I may go to a church picnic today. God bless the USA.

A Good Day

Today has been one of my better days in months. The pain isn't as intense as usual and I have been actually functional the whole day! Usually, there is a nap during the day, yet I am just full of energy. Days as this, oh my gosh, they are so embraced. I really have been enjoying Twitter. I find this great fun, even though I still love My Space, Facebook and Shoutlife. There are many others that I belong to...but my gosh...so much time spent...that I could use to write. Those sites make awesome breaks though in the day, when I get too into a book or just need to relax. This blog site is also wonderful to help relax.

There are so many neat things that I want to share with the friends about my life...my organizations...my feelings. Too bad, my other blog disapeared, but I guess that there is a reason for everything. Well, back to my book. TTFN Blessings, D'Maria

Ahhhhh

Finally, the neighborhood has been quiet and everyone has settled and I can relax (well...LOL) and write again. It's a shame that there are some really messed up people out there. Even sadder that these were young people who have so much in life that they could give. Instead they live in a world of drugs, greed, and criminal behavior. Hopefully, this will be over now. It's been a good week, except the stress has me under doctors care more than usual.
I had always been a healthy person most of my life. I loved to play volley ball, softball and swim at one time. First though there was a head injury at a job (when I worked in Law Enforcement) that caused years of problems. At that time, I still worked but depression and pain started to set in. I ended up quitting the job in LE when actually, I should have taken a leave of absense to heal. I honestly don't know what I was thinking-there was probably guilt for taking so much time off.
Then I moved into this apartment which was "environmentally unsafe". I had no idea of this when I moved in and became very, very ill. The doctors had no idea what was wrong with me so they just decided to tell me that I would not probably live very long. I must have fired 7 doctors in two years. They either tried to overdose me with drugs, or tell me there was no hope. Finally, when the health department told me that my apartment was unsafe, I was too sick to work anymore.
Oh I tried to sue the creepy landlords at the time of all this, but they were cazillionaires and caused so many problems. There was enough proof to kill a bull, yet my attorney for some strange reason ended the case 2 days before Christmas in the year 2001. It was a devastating blow, especially since I could no longer work and had all kinds of lung, problems and other health issues which were so escalated.

I decided to just attempt to heal and painted and wrote. That was my inner joy since childhood and so since I could take my time, the focus was on just creating. I have about 7 illnesses from living in that "sick" apartment so it hasn't been easy. If it isn't one thing it's another. Plus, I never smoked and it is frustrating to have asthma and other resporitory problems.

Basically, I am a pretty happy person. Unusual for a person who has had so much hardship in life, yet I have a deep faith in God and believe that there is a reason for everything. I don't feel sorry for myself. In fact many people have no clue how ill I am and I just go on about my business. Complaining is for wimps, anyway.
There are bouts of horrible depression sometimes, but I work through it. I love to garden, go to the gym, write, paint, swim(oh I miss so much), and hangout with good friends. I have also given up alcohol 22 years ago. My biggest vice is that I eat emotionally sometimes. It is something that I am working on.
I also love my mom, son, friends and my cat Ronzoni and my dog Beautiful Dreamer.

Well, Enough for now. It's time to get some "Beauty Sleep".

My Neighbor

Over a year ago a man about my age moved in with his 11 year old daughter. I pretty much keep to myself here (I have been here for about 10 years). We would always say "Hi" in passing and the little girl would sometimes tell me about school or what she likes to do, if I were outside.

Once when she had her appendix removed I gave her one of my children's books to read. Later, I find out that likes the blood and guts kind of stories. Oh well. My books are simple Christian based. She is a sweet kid though, and hopefully she will grow out of the gorier stuff.



Anyway, before the holidays, I noticed at times the father would sit outside with his head down. Not being any of my business I would just say "Hi" and not get involved in too much conversation. After Thanksgiving, I noticed that he was always outside smoking and just very depressed, so I asked him if he was okay and he just said that he wanted to die. This "wanting to die" went on for a few weeks and I became worried, especially since he started giving some of his favorite things away to his daughter. Thinking of the child first, I decided to see if there was a way that I could talk him into getting some help. He was very angry about a situation (health) and couldn't seem to shake his feelings. Having a friend that is a counselor I asked him if he would talk to her. He said "yes" and so one night he came over to my place and I went to his hometo watch his little girl as he spoke to my counselor friend.



My friend and I kept an eye on them and we would have dinner or coffee at my home for all of us after the first meeting with my friend. It was a really nice family atmosphere and he finally went to a doctor to get some meds and I believe there was some therapy as well. The meetings at my place every few weeks actually did us all good. The little girl looked forward to coming over too.

Life started getting better for my neighbor. He had been divorced two years and was looking for someone. I was really happy for him. The thing is he was going to Craig's List and looking for young women (of age in their 20's) to date. Okay, different strokes for different folks, I know--he just seemed kind of oversexed to me. That's all he started to talk about if he came over to borrow something (coffee, milk, sugar, stamps, help with his computer) It was almost an every day thing and he started to sound kind of inapropriate. So I backed off. He is taking meds for depression and drinking which really makes me uncomfortable too.

I told him about another FREE dating site online that was pretty good and they had local gatherings etc. I mentioned that a picnic was coming up and seemed very interested and signed up. He even mentioned just going to the picnic together.
When the day came by for the picnic, I actually forgot about it. That Saturday morning he was acting strange and when I was walking my dog, he came out him home to say he was again having problems with his computer. I asked some questions and offered to see the problem, but he said that he had to go out with his daughter. What he didn't want me to see or know was that he was going to the picnic and didn't want me to know. This came to my attention later that day when I went to the site to see what was going on and remembered the picnic--too late. Later that evening when I was walking my dog, he came out of his home to tell me that he went to the picnic and how nice everyone was, and bragged about what a great time him and his young daughter had. Funny, it didn't surprize me.
I am not jealous or interested in this guy. It just perplexed me that after all of the times I have given him and his daughter food, and dinners and my time when the door was knocked on because he was so depressed, that he could of at least mentioned it to me. He was AFRAID that he would have to take me. Even though I am disabled, I could have driven myself. It really put me into a deep depression. I have known this group for about a year-I would have loved to have gone to the picnic (they usaully have night time outings and I don't/can't drive at night). It would have been nice to have met them. As mentioned earlier this guy isn't my type. He brags about having threesomes and how hot he is lately. It's a real turn off for me and I am not into that stuff. I was only a friend (or neighbor) concerned about his depression and especially for his child who I knew was having a tough time in school and was in therapy. All I did was be a good neighbor, but boy was he slamming me lately.
Please be advised, that I am usually a very UP person. My blogs are normally happy and talk about what I do. Lately, though life has been kind of overwhelming, and this helps me to vent some when I am hurting so deeply when I see how people treat others or their children.
I hope that my neighbor finds what he is looking for. He still knocks on my door needing coffee or asking if the squatters have left. Today when resting there was knocking on my door and I just didn't bother or care who was there.
Being the caretaker in my family, I have always enjoyed seeing others succeed or be happy. I never looked at expectations or if someone owed me something. It just hurts when people NEED me and then are ashamed to know me around others. So I am not a twenty something any more. I am not beautiful and have to deal with illness. I still pray for others, keep a possitive attitude and ask God to help those that can not help themself.
Nor do I request pity or for someone to be my friend. It is just irratating when people lie to me or attempt to make believe they care, when all they want is their needs fulfilled and to hell with another's feelings. Any way it feel s good to be able to write about this. It has been really bothering me for months...With the squatters and my best friend once again stabbing me in the back, it a blessing that there is a blog to write in.
It's really a shame that there are so many sick individuals out there who take whatever they can and just find another victim. I am a very strong person and feel blessed that I am not like any of these sad people. I do have feelings though and it does help to write about them.
Now I can get on with my upbeat posts about my writing and life. I can't wait for the GOOD stuff to get out here!

Squatters

I really don't get this. The laws in the State of Florida really suck. MONTHS ago an agency put some people in our apartment complex. There are only 4 triplexes on our court so there aren't a whole bunch of us. Being here 10 years people have come and gone, yet we have had some very good people move in. That is until the Holiday Season of 2008. I could make this a long, long story, and hopefully it will not be too long.

Anyway, the people who were put in (two apartments), were not correctly checked out and we ended up with a bunch of hard core squatters, criminals and drug dealers/addicts who decided to have all of their buddies move in. The problems on a daily basis and continued throughout the night here. It was so hard for my land lord to do anything...he has spent thousands on an attorney to get these people out. They have no electricity(don't pay rent or bills) and stumble around. All of us neighbors have attempted to talk to these people, even get them help to no avail. At first we were unaware of the situation and we also contributed food, money, and some even gave them cigarettes to help out. Until the traffic started overflowing our little culdesac we had no idea of what was going on until one of the residents said that the other apartment was selling drugs and that he (another agency resident) was addicted to crack cocaine.
I will have to add some more to this later...It upsets me so much!

I have been wanting to write about this for days, but my other account on blogger disapeared, now I am brain dead with this new blog. There is so much on this situation, yet I can't think of a thing to say right now. guess this just burnt me out so much my brain is mush.
Right now I have to get some zzzzz.

Okay so two days later, I am writing about this again. I think that these people have finally left....though they have lied so much it is hard to tell. My landlord put an eviction notice 2x on their door.

This agency that put these people here I hope they never get to place any one here again. Don't get me wrong, I am all for people changing their lives for the better no matter what the circumstances. It just bugs me to no end when taxpayers spend so much money in 3 months free rent, furniture and food, for people to just abuse the system. This bunch were the worse abusers I had ever seen. Wow. It is just sad. There is NO laws to protect residents, landlords or the consumers.

A really good friend of mine who was the person that originally put these people here (and worked for the agency) did not want to be bothered by the problem. Our friendship will never be the same. Neighbors (and squatters) were alwayscalling and banging on my door all hours of the day to find out what was going on. "Where's the Landlord" "What is your friend doing about this?" I couldn't even go out to my garden without someone bugging me. So now I am just isolating from everyone. This has been such a sad situation. Any way it is quiet right now and praying that it stays that way. My health is also a mess from this, so I am healing.

Ya try to do good...sheez. As far as my friend goes, I am really disapointed in her for leaving me with this mess. We haven't been speaking. I wish her well though. She is basically a very caring person, but I think when things turned ugly, she couldn't handle it.

A Few Minutes of Rambling

Right now I just need to set this blog up. I have been wanting to write about my feelings for days and what has been going on...only my last account disapeared. It was really nice too. So I don't know what happened to it. That's okay. This is a start.
Just a quick outline of what I need to write about:

Squatters next door
Health issues
Cruel People
My best friend (?)
Twitter
Do Dreams Come true?
Love life (mahhahahaha)
Neighbors

Gee, is that all of the stress for the last few months? The answer is YES!!